When it comes to romance, balance is key. However, sometimes one person in the relationship will lean towards needing far more attention and affection than his or her partner does. Sometimes, this earns him the label of being a “skinny boyfriend.” Even when the term is used loosely, it can imply an existing deep insecurity or attachment style in a relationship. It doesn’t necessarily mean that the relationship is doomed when your boyfriend is clingy. This could present an opportunity for both of you to grow as individuals, as well as a couple, with open communication and understanding. In this article, we will talk about the symptoms of a clingy boyfriend, why it is happening, and how one could address it to gain healthy development in the relationship for both parties.
Signs of a clingy boyfriend
Understanding what “flat” is may be subjective. Everyone may see and feel the behaviors differently, but there are common behaviors that most people recognize to be indicative of being stuck. Here are a few:
Constant communication
He may send numerous messages, even if you haven’t replied yet or he may feel a compulsion to be checking in constantly, even when there is nothing very important to talk about. Overcommunicating can be overwhelming and typically reveals a requirement of reassurance.
Possessiveness and Jealousy
A clingy boyfriend can become anxious or jealous when you spent time with friends, family, or co-workers without including him in the situation. This possessiveness often comes from a place of insecurity and fear of losing you.
Constant need for authentication
Another sign is when they constantly ask for validation in your relationship, if you still care, if you find them attractive, etc. It can be very draining if this pattern of behavior becomes consistent in your interactions.
Loss of independence
He may not be willing to tolerate you doing those hobbies, interests, or activities when he is not around. It may be unwillingness to support your solo activities or unwillingness to partake in activities that are meant to be done alone or with someone.
Inability to accept boundaries
Although healthy relationships respect boundaries, a clingy boyfriend may have trouble understanding or respecting you. If he continues pushing for more intimacy or gets uncomfortable when you ask for personal space, it’s likely he is having trouble respecting boundaries.
Why do some boyfriends become clingy?
Understanding the “why” behind clingy behavior can be key to fixing the issue appropriately. Several factors can contribute to sticking:
Attachment style
Psychologists identify attachment styles as a crucial factor in relationship behavior. For example, one clingy boyfriend may be diagnosed with “anxious attachment,” where he greatly requires establishing intimacy and reassures himself about the relationship. Generally, individuals with this attachment style fear abandonment and seek to quell their anxiety by being in constant contact.
Low Self-Esteem and Insecurity
This person needs to learn he is incapable of earning love, or he feels insecure within the relationship. As a result, he becomes clingy since he believes that if he must continue to please or accommodate his partner in order to keep him, maybe after all, he is loved.
Trauma from past relationships
Other previous relationships that were traumatic in nature, whether sudden or infidelity related, will cause a person to hold on to their new relationship like this one. Such trauma tends to create serious trust issues which will make the child feel unsafe, leading to behaviors to reduce the perceived danger of any type of harm.
Avoid people
If he does not receive external support, then often he will entrust all his emotional needs into the relationship. Such dependence results in overcontact and unwillingness to give your partner personal space.
Romantic conceptions of love
Sometimes, people are completely mistaken when they think of what true love ought to be. If he actually thinks that true love demands close access and sex all the time, he never realizes how his behavior can hurt you.
How to overcome a clingy boyfriend
If you are in a relationship with a moody boyfriend then, you will have to be compassionate, patient, and communicative. Below are some tips to help you deal with such a boyfriend:
Open communication
Communicate the issue in a tender way but clear. Let him know how his moods hurt you and explain why you need your own time or space. Do not use accusing speech. Instead, tell him how various acts make you feel.
Promote good independence.
Encourage him to pursue his interests, hobbies, and friendships outside of the relationship. Suggest activities or goals that he can work on independently, which will help him feel more fulfilled and self-reliant.
Set clear boundaries and adhere to them.
Set boundaries: In every relationship, boundaries need to be set. Be clear about your boundaries whether it’s the need for some alone time every day or wanting to see friends without constantly keeping in touch. As soon as these boundaries are crossed, make sure you respectfully reinforce them and comfort her that having boundaries does not mean you’re nobody. Less commitment to relationships.
Affirm your commitment.
An clingy boyfriend normally needs reassurance, so this independence and affirmation are important. Reassure her of your commitment and the reasons you value the relationship but remind her that a healthy relationship allows both partners to grow as individuals.
Now open up reflections on attachment styles.
Attachment style conversations can be very enlightening for many couples. If he’s open to learning, suggest you pursue attachment theory together. He may find that understanding his attachment style helps him understand why he is anxious, and then you both can work together about managing it.
Seek relationship counseling.
There is professional help available if the clinging is extreme or creates deep insecurities. A therapist or counselor can provide strategies and techniques to cope with anxious attachment and encourage a healthier dynamic in a relationship.
Identify your needs in a relationship
It is easy to become a “keeper” in a clingy boyfriend, but never forget to remember your needs as well. Here are some tips to keep fit and alive:
Protect boundaries
Respect your boundaries as much as you want him to respect yours. Make time for things that bring you joy, friends, or aloneness, and do not apologize for fulfilling your personal needs.
Practice self-care.
It is taxing on the emotions to have a clingy partner; therefore, it is crucial that you continue to find time for personal interests. Be it through meditation, exercise, or hobbies, self-care may supply the energy you need to regain patience in managing your relationships.
Think about yourself.
Analyze regularly how you feel in the relationship. Are his behaviors causing stress, anxiety, or resentment? If the needs are not being met, this is already a good time to talk about those feelings. The openness of speaking about how relationships are affected could lead you to changes that are necessary on your part.
Read More: Things to Ask Your Crush: Building a Strong Connection Through Fun and Engaging Questions
The Way Forward: Balancing with Love and Feeling
It’s all about give and take, mutual understanding, and growth. As for the inconsistency of your boyfriend, you would have to invest an extra amount of energy in his understanding and setting boundaries, but it does not imply that the relationship wouldn’t prosper. With some patience, honest communication, and mutual acceptance for each other’s well-being, you two can bring out a balanced and fulfilling partnership.
If his flatness is at a deep level of being rooted in insecurities or some traumas, it’s worth remembering that growth takes time. Supporting him in a relationship with still being your self does stimulate a healthy relationship. Lastly, successful relationship should be a place for both individuals to feel loved as well as free to be themselves. The journey of mutual understanding and self-awareness can make your relationship stronger and more resilient in the long run.
